I Realize that I will never be enough for you. You always make it so clear that you would rather be with everyone else but me. I wonder why I’m even here. Why did you bring me here? Why do you keep me? I see the fire in your eyes. This is the kind of fire that burns right through the soul and leaves permanent scars. It hurts me when you disappear for days without calling. It hurts me when you come back laughing, stumbling, holding the hand of someone you barely know. You look at him with joyful eyes, the same eyes that change like that of a snake when they rest upon me sitting, waiting for you. Eyes that sting and tell me to disappear. I do as I’m told by those dark eyes before the flames of your words hit me.
I realize that I may not be what you wanted but I am here nonetheless.
I realize that you may never understand the emptiness you placed in my world.
I realize that you may never change your snake skin.
I realize that in unexplainable ways, you enjoy the attention of slithering around in the weight of the old.
What you should realize is that while you never gave me what I wanted most, what I needed to feel safe, is something I found all on my own. I realize now that more beauty came from all the darkness you shoved in my heart. This darkness was never who I was. It shaped me into someone stronger than you. Someone who could open their eyes and see the beautiful wonders of the world.
I realize that I am the brightest star in my minds galaxy and I am okay with that.
© Stephanie Cardozo, 2016. Stephanie Cardozo, All rights reserved.